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Who am I as a human?
Thinking back to when I was working in the public sector, helping the homeless and their complex needs. I was very happy here, being able to help the people that were among some of the most disadvantaged in society was the most rewarding feeling, and I was good at it. Helping people to get to a better place from rock bottom was one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done.
Many years later and the natural progression for me was to move into the field of mental health. Supporting people in a time when they were going through something very traumatic in their life. I worked in psychiatric units and crisis teams in the community, and for a while I loved it. Seeing the change in people individually to a place where they didn’t even recognise themselves.
However, once again I started to think there must be a way to make a bigger impact, maybe if I can change things at a higher level in the organisation. It was then I decided to do my MSc in Organisational Psychology. Let me influence things within the teams and leaders and even CEO’s, that will make a difference to the individuals in the long run. Happy staff, happy client’s, bigger impact, right? I worked within the NHS in organisational development and then went on to working in private consultancies to work across more companies hoping to make a wider difference.
I thought this is it, I have finally got to where I wanted. Helping people on a larger scale, not to mention the great income and the ability to travel for work that went alongside, which I thought I would feel so happy about.
A few years in and again I began to feel unfulfilled. Yes, we are making a difference whilst we are there but is it enough? Am I really doing what I want to do?
So, what did I do? I decided to quit my job that I had worked so hard for, the house that I loved and go in search of something more. I went travelling.
Something that I noticed at this time was that I never could settle. My family used to always refer to me as a nomad. Jumping from place to place and never being able to find that something that I was looking for. The next best thing. I was always passionate about 'changing the world' and 'making a difference', people used to think I was unrealistically optimistic. It was only when I went travelling that I realised that I could change the world - by helping others who have a similar dream to me be the best version of themselves.
I believe I always went further because of the people I had in my life. My sister, who has always been a massive role model for me, has had some extremely difficult times but always got through it. I climbed Kilimanjaro with my sister and brother to raise money for the local breast cancer unit that saved my sister. What did I say when we were hanging on the side of the mountain? “What if this isn’t enough? What if we don’t remember this and the satisfaction this has given us? How can we make a bigger impact in supporting the unit?”
People have always seen me as determined, motivated and goal driven. I felt from an early age I could achieve anything I set my mind too, but I didn’t always feel I had the knowledge, confidence or the tools to get me there. I thought I had a good mindset, but it was only when I started to research into this that I understood it with more clarity. I started to really invest in myself, working on personal development, reading tonnes of books and then finally decided to take my coaching qualification.
It was then that I realised what was one of my most self-sabotaging behaviours: Learning that what I have now is enough, in short perfectionism. Learning that wanting to change and invest in yourself is great but appreciating what you have is so important too (I even became a bit obsessed with making sure I was appreciating stuff enough, but that’s another story). Do I still always strive for more? Yes, but learning to realise what I am doing IS enough. It’s enough to be here right now and realise that the something I am looking for is here. It’s here right now and always will be.
The overwhelming pressure in society to be changing everything at once is quite literally exhausting! So, I’m here now, teaching and helping others to create a mindset that helps them too. I use the knowledge I have gained over the years to give others clarity over things that they might want to change but also the realisation around how far they have already come.
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